(New and Improved 2001 Version)

As part of Time Lord picnic lore, we once again offer Whoball, which is extremely loosely based upon the proper game of baseball. The setup is much like normal baseball. Whoball has three sides: The Masters versus the Doctors and the Guardians, who are neutral. The Guardians will umpire, keep score, pitch, and if necessary assist as catcher. The Doctors and Masters have equal numbers of players with any number over the usual nine to be stuck out in the outfield or at shortstop. The Guardians are neutral when they are pitching or umpiring, except when they are needed to replace another player. The pitcher does not field the ball, except in self-defense – even if it lands at his/her feet, an infielder must pick it up and hand or throw it (left-handed) to the pitcher. The pitcher does not bat. All pitches will be served underhand. All pitches will be underhanded slowpitch meatballs with the intent of giving the batter a hit. Two strikes make an out and there are three outs to a side but NO BALLS. If a guardian really pitches poorly, it is up to the guardian’s discretion to re-pitch. All hits and tips are fair balls no matter which direction they go; however, the batter must swing in a normal fashion, no backward swings and NO BUNTS allowed. The fielder must tag the base with the foot to get a player out or catch a fly ball. If the ball is not caught on the fly, the outfielders must run the ball to an infielder, who must throw the ball left-handed to the pitcher. Once the ball enters the pitcher’s hand, if the hitter hasn’t reached first base, the hitter is out. (Players already on base, as mentioned earlier, may be tagged out.) All runners must return to the last base they reached when play stops. Each batter rolls a large fuzzy die, which will be used as a randomizer to determine which instrument of torture batting object to use:

The third inning will be the Barney Inning. A small stuffed Barney will be used as the ball for that inning: "I like you, you like me --- now it’s time to hit Barney…." So whack your hearts out. As in other years, we may rotate other odd balls into the game.

After making a hit, the batter runs from home to first base. To advance from first to second, the base runner must skip. To get from second to third, the base runner must hop on one leg (the runner can switch legs). The runner advances from third to home by running backwards. Pinch runners are allowed at the Guardians’ discretion. The game will be five innings or approximately an hour in length – or longer if we feel like it. The Guardians may make outrageous, arbitrary, unfair rulings (or so the players may think) should these rules require further clarity. Have fun and let’s play ball.